Set the ‘Eleven Plus’ Scene
I learnt the hard way that it is very, very important to set the scene for your child. You may know what’s going on but your child will have some fundamental misunderstandings. Here are some of the large pot-holes I fell into by not thinking from my son’s perspective.
They aren’t meant to have all the answers
It is important to let them know that they are not expected to get high scores on the practice papers right from the start. Explain to them that they are doing them to get familiar with the exam process and they have not yet even covered many of the topics that crop up in these papers.
Encourage them to have confidence with the practice papers. At the start use them to understand what the exams are like and then to understand exam skills. With these early ones it may be best to not mark them in front of your child but just circle any answers that you could talk through with them afterwards to help explain that type of question rather than their answer in particular.
Encourage Them to Fail Early and Fail Often
Show them this clip of Will Smith talking through why it is important to fail.
They will have bad days – many of then at the start – where they mess up tests or struggle with a topic. Remind them that this stuff is hard and it takes time. For goodness sake they are doing things like Simultaneous Equations at age 10 – explain that this is fairly advanced stuff and its expected to take a while to understand it.
Will says it best – its worth watching any time they become demotivated by failure.
Don’t take them to Waterloo
The boy’s old head master had a great speech he would give to parents at the start of year 6. He would tell us of the mother who, in an act of desperation took her child to Waterloo and walked them past the camp of vagrants and lost souls who slept rough there every night – she told them that if they did not pull their finger out then they may well end up as one of these poor people. You don’t need me to say it but I’m going to say it anyway: do not do that. There is so much pressure on them during year 6 – the last thing they need is any more of it.
Baby Steps
They may think they have a huge mountain to climb so explain that you are going to go on the journey together and you are going to do it in baby steps. Assure them that they can make it one step at a time.
Get Their Buy-in
By this point you will have a sketch of a plan – so talk it through with them. Show them the time line. Ask them what’s the best way for them to learn – do they like small frequent chunks or less frequent bigger pieces. Do they work alone or are they social learners. They need to do this in a way that works best for them – it will keep them motivated, get better results and reduce the number of conflicts along the way.
Have regular chats with them to see whether the way you are working together is working for them and evolve the plan accordingly.